The Dilemma
So I am reading this book called I-Thou by Thomas Merton. I am finding that this book is revealing my "two-fold" world of things and people in fresh, new, and exciting ways. My friends Scott and Brian have both read it, and it was mainly my respect for them that tempted me to read the book, and I am very glad I am. I confess I hated it for a few days. There are many things I am learning about people and things, but what's cool is that the book gives language and logic to things I noticed every day before in the relationship realm but didn't know how to describe before. The book talks of "between" moments of life and that is the topic I wanted to think more about, in regards to relationships.
A "between" moment is not easily defined. So here are some examples. John calls Susie and asks her out to eat...However before as Susie answered the phone she whispered to her roommate Donna that she is real annoyed with johns phone calls. John hears susies whisper and then "bam" there is a between.
"Betweens" happen everyday. A between you see could be anytime someone offends you, shames you, embarrasses you, etc, and then we come to it...The between. When we face these moments two things have automatically happened. We have already thoughts about what a person has treated us, done to us, or said to us, and we have already had some type of feeling about it. Maybe were indifferent, pissed, angry, confused, etc. There is a third thing however, its our active will/action. What will we choose to do now?
I'm around people all the time: I live with six guys, I work at a restaurant, I'm at school, etc. So I talk to people all the time. And if you talk to enough people...You will find that a favorite subject among people is people. We love to talk about each other. Usually negatively...There's a fancy word for that...Gossip/slander. Talk to someone long enough I notice...Ask someone how's it going...And mean it...And they will usually talk about a conflict with someone. After about a week I've noticed that this is an epidemic. Its like everyone skipped Realness 101, Honesty 102, and Christlike 103, and everyone went to Surface Stuff 101, Agendas 100, Acquaintance Keeping 102, and Gossip 500.
I'd beg if could....We must start approaching people and each other with realness, sincerity, and humbleness of mind. We need to start having no agenda other than unconditional love. In that context...Real relationships form. When betweens happen in that context...I think something very unique happens...Encounter. Encounter with the real person, not the surface one.
A "between" moment is not easily defined. So here are some examples. John calls Susie and asks her out to eat...However before as Susie answered the phone she whispered to her roommate Donna that she is real annoyed with johns phone calls. John hears susies whisper and then "bam" there is a between.
"Betweens" happen everyday. A between you see could be anytime someone offends you, shames you, embarrasses you, etc, and then we come to it...The between. When we face these moments two things have automatically happened. We have already thoughts about what a person has treated us, done to us, or said to us, and we have already had some type of feeling about it. Maybe were indifferent, pissed, angry, confused, etc. There is a third thing however, its our active will/action. What will we choose to do now?
I'm around people all the time: I live with six guys, I work at a restaurant, I'm at school, etc. So I talk to people all the time. And if you talk to enough people...You will find that a favorite subject among people is people. We love to talk about each other. Usually negatively...There's a fancy word for that...Gossip/slander. Talk to someone long enough I notice...Ask someone how's it going...And mean it...And they will usually talk about a conflict with someone. After about a week I've noticed that this is an epidemic. Its like everyone skipped Realness 101, Honesty 102, and Christlike 103, and everyone went to Surface Stuff 101, Agendas 100, Acquaintance Keeping 102, and Gossip 500.
I'd beg if could....We must start approaching people and each other with realness, sincerity, and humbleness of mind. We need to start having no agenda other than unconditional love. In that context...Real relationships form. When betweens happen in that context...I think something very unique happens...Encounter. Encounter with the real person, not the surface one.
posted by K at 1:12 PM
2 Comments:
I completely understand what you mean about realness. I think this is a problem with the world in general, but it gets amplified within Christianity.
I just got done reading 'Catcher in the Rye', which is an awesome book. One of the major themes of the books is phoniness, and how everyone is a phoney. I really connected with this, but somehow I felt feeling as there was no real solution. What I mean by that is that I think phoniness is an inherant problem with humanity. At least that's how I feel now.
So, is the "in between" like the feeling that you have when someone does something or says something to you or about you and then how you choose to react? Sounds like an interesting book.
I am finding what you describe as the between times challenging in my everyday life to be more of the person that I want to be and not necessarily how I am initially. Initially like when someone says something that may hurt your feelings, your human nature wants to lash out and hurt them back in some way. But if you realize or choose to not react but to act in love, your reaction will be totally different from your initial motivation.
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